tommorrow never knows

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-22T20:17:00

2005-02-23T01:19:09Z

ok, so message to everyone
this has to stop
i am tired of the drama, it is just unnecassary
most of you dont know me, the ones who were involved in this
i left a comment on a friends lj
a friend, private entry
so i dont know exactly how this spiraled out of control
but what i do know is that this all has to stop
i cant take this anymore, my head is going to explode in a mass of profanities if this doesnt stop
to julie: your right, i dont know you, i have heard stories about you from people, whose names i will not say because they dont deserve to be dragged into this. this is not an apology, by all means, b/c i didnt do anything wrong. i left a comment, which people always do, and thats all. so you can hate me, i dont care, just stop. please.
to katie: thank you for your comment, i am glad to know that you will be there for me.
to annie: look, i am sorry that i said those things about your friend, but put yourself in my shoes. or, you know what, nvm, dont. and i didnt think you were attacking me. you were being a good friend and i cant say anything bad about that. i hope this bullshit wont change anything.
to everyone else: i you have something to say to me, fine, say it. i can take it. just dont go using my lj, MY LJ, to vent your anger. don't go picking fights with people on my lj b/c that is just not cool. and dont go getting all pissy about this entry b/c its just not worth it, and you just dont know me.

so i am sorry to some people that may have been hurt in all this, some people that got dragged in for no reason. i will bow out gracefully. good luck to everyone. and fuck this shit, i am through.

so friends only now, enough of the bullshit

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-22T13:37:00

2005-02-22T18:38:12Z

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-21T11:02:00

2005-02-21T16:03:46Z

"I HATE YOU, I HATE!!! I HOPE YOU DIE!!!"
*******
"WAIT! WE'RE NOT REALLY BREAKING UP ARE WE?? NO!!!"

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-20T19:55:00

2005-02-21T00:56:52Z

today was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!
and...
SABRINA IS CUMING OVER!!!!
yesssss
notebook and step in style...hahah the cheesy 25 cent aerobics video...fun for all!

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-19T10:16:00

2005-02-19T15:18:21Z

another great friday night...
met sum more great new ppl b/c of joel...
thats about it...
no pics b/c i didnt take ne...:(

COUNTDOWN TO ORLANDO:
3 SCHOOL DAYS!

this week = soooo much fun
{sat&sun} work
{mon} practice and doctor
{tuesday - friday} i have no idea...i am sure sum 1 will wanna hang out...right? RIGHT?
{sat&sun} work
at sum point i have to go clothes shopping with my grandma
she leaves next saturday

ps.
stolen from katie

What is your emo band name? by spiralinghalo
Your band name is:	Your Own Victory
You sound like:	Rainer Maria
You will be signed to:	Deep Elm Records
Your emo lyrics are:	"Slit my wrists until I can see the stars"
Name:

Quiz created with MemeGen!

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-17T20:40:00

2005-02-18T01:43:26Z

yesss...
I made it...thank god
varsity and advanced womens...
next year will be the best year yet...
i can totally feel it...
pleassssse read my story (below) and leave comments!!! i value ya'lls opinions, for real!

COUNTDOWN TO ORLANDO:
1 week!!!
(4 SCHOOL DAYS)

You'll Only Need One

2005-02-17T01:46:55Z

so yea, i havent written a short story in ages, so here's one. enjoy, or dont, either way.\

You'll Only Need One

So many nights she would just sit her in her room and think of what she had done wrong. Why did she deserve such horrible treatment? She had no idea. But there she sat, alone in a dark corner, crying.
It all started when she was a child; when he came into her life. No not really hers, but her mother’s. Yes, that was it. At first she did nothing but blame her mother, but it was many years ago when she had stopped trying to place the blame on just one person. This wasn’t the fault of her mother.
It was not always like this. From the moment she began to have memories until her father’s unexpected death, she had had a “normal” life. She had a complete family, if that’s what you call it; great parents and a younger brother, who, even though they didn’t really get along, she loved unconditionally.
The “incident”, which they had begun to call it, hit her mother hard. She would stay in her room for weeks at a time, taking a break occasionally to run to the grocery store, or the post office, or what have you. But, for the most part, she would sit in her room, on her bed, lifeless. And, even though she was only eleven, Liz knew that this was unhealthy. She worried about her mother, not just for her sake, but for her brother’s, who was only eight, and didn’t quite grasp the situation at the time.
Their grandmother had come to live with them, to help out as only a grandmother can. Eventually, their mother “snapped” out of her loneliness and horrible feelings of pain, and re-joined the conscious world. She went back to her old job, her old office. They got back into their daily routine, but life was never quite “normal” again. Their mother, Joan, was never quite herself again, no matter how much she said she was. “Fine” is never a good sign, and Liz learned this quickly.
Then, Joan began to date again, and that is when Liz met David. She had a bad feeling about him from the start, but kept her mouth shut because she hadn’t seen her mother smile this much in a long time. When Liz heard the news of their engagement she congratulated them, still never mentioning her true feelings to her mother. Why would she want to hear about a stupid 15 year old’s worries? So, again, she kept her mouth shut, and they got married.
About a year into it, she noticed that her mother wasn’t quite as happy anymore. She asked her if everything was O.K between her and David but her mother just laughed it off and said she was simply being stressed at work. So Liz left it at that; until one day when she and her mother were shopping. Her mother was trying to lift something off a shelf when her sleeves rolled up to give Liz a brief view of the bruises. She confronted her mother right then and there, and her mother confessed the whole thing.
It had started about a month ago at one of their weekly dinners. David had been angry the whole evening, yelling at their waitress and saying his food was too dry. She had never seen him like this and asked him what was wrong? He simply shrugged it off and said he thought they should go home.
The house was empty, as it always was on Friday night. Everyone off doing their own thing, the way David said it should be. Adults should have their time alone, away from bratty little children, like Liz and her brother. Joan suggested they watch a movie, which angered David even more. He yelled that all they ever did was go to dinner, come home and watch a movie. He threw the movie in Joan’s face and laughed when she fell to the ground, her cheek bleeding. He yelled at her to get up, to stop her crying, and to take what he gave her like a man. When she remained on the floor, he grabbed her by the wrists and with all his strength threw her on the couch, and walked away. When she could hear the sounds of his snores in their bedroom, she got up and went to the bathroom. She fixed up the cut on her face and surveyed the rest of the damage on her body. She figured that she would just wear a long sleeved shirt for a few days until the bruises went away. She then proceeded to put the living room back to normal so no one would know what had happened, and joined David in bed.
She prayed to God that this would be the only night something like that would happen, but it was to no avail. Every Friday was the same. This continued for weeks, even after her talk with Liz. Liz could not watch her mother endure this pain anymore, so she took her own action.
She planned to spend the night at her friend’s house, who lived across the street. She would wait for her mother to come home and watch. The minute she saw any signs of foul play, she would call the cops. And she did; only the cops couldn’t do anything. They said that this was a domestic dispute, since there had been no hitting involved to that point.
Needless to say, David was livid. As soon as the cops were out of sight he grabbed Liz by the hair and dragged her into the kitchen where he proceeded to beat her with a spatula. Liz could hear her mother crying from a far distance, but that was the last thing she could remember. She woke up the next morning in the hospital, bandaged and bruised. She was dumbfounded when she saw David there, as she was sure he would have been arrested by now.
“Some fall you took off your bike there, huh Kiddo?” he said smiling at her.
“What?” was all she could sputter out.
“Yeah, you fell pretty hard when you hit that pothole last night. I am sure glad you’re O.K. You gave us all quite a scare you know.”
She looked at her mother standing next to that horrible man just smiling at her. That was when she realized this meant war.
A few months passed, and every Friday was the same. Liz began to take a self defense class that was offered at her school. She also started dating this guy, Josh, who was 18. She trusted him with all her secrets, including David. Josh freaked out when she told him. He said he had to go do something important and sped out of the driveway. The next day she met up with him and he said he had something for her. He handed her a small, brown box and told her to open it when she was alone. When she got home she went to her room and opened the box. She was shocked when she saw a derringer in the box with two bullets and a note, from Josh.
“Here’s two, but I’m sure you’ll only need one. Use this the next time that bastard touches you.”
She shuddered to think that she would ever have to use this horrible object and shoved it in a drawer; pushed it out of her mind.
That week she went away to camp, like she did every summer. She couldn’t help but feel horribly guilty for leaving her mother alone with that man. Within a week, the guilt had eaten away at her and she requested that she be given a ride home. Only, she didn’t call her mom; she didn’t want her to know she was watching her. She decided it would be best if she stayed with Josh and his parents, and to casually check in on her mom without her noticing.
Then, one day on her daily check up, she heard it. A gunshot; coming from her house. She ran inside without thinking and saw her mother lying on the floor bleeding, with David standing over her, like he was God, or something. When he saw her he screamed and shot at her. She ran upstairs to her room, just as a bullet grazed her leg. She fought through the pain and found her gun. She ran back downstairs to find her brother lying next to their mother crying. She knew that she was dead. David was too focused on her brother to notice that she had returned. Just as he was about to take a shot at him, she yelled. David turned around and focused his attention on her. He raised his gun, but was faster. She shot him right in the chest. He fell to the ground in pain. Liz yelled at her brother to call the police as she grabbed the gun from David’s hand. She watched him yelp in pain for a while. And then, it finally hit her; what she had done. And she just sat, alone, in a dark corner crying.

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-14T06:38:00

2005-02-14T11:37:48Z

LACROSSE GAME TODAY...
4:45 @ WOODSTOCK!!!
BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE! (OR RECTANGLE, CIRCLE, OR MY PERSONAL FAVORITE, RHOMBUS!)

***EDIT***
the game was canceled b/c newhall is a fucking bitch!
yea

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-13T21:07:00

2005-02-14T02:06:51Z

valentines day = shit
nothing ever good has come from this day...
soo
happy shit day to all

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-12T08:27:00

2005-02-12T13:34:05Z

check out these hot shoes that i want

and...here is my prom dress

saw boogeyman last night, thats sum scary shit there...lol

and now...pics from last night

^^^ugly backwards house in katie's neighborhood

traffic on the on ramp of 575

the traffic got to us i think! lol

singing absolutely zero into my flower microphone

hahaha summer

boots in the parking lot...

this is the car that summer wants! lol j/k

thas all...

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-11T17:00:00

2005-02-11T21:59:14Z

[my name is]: Bre
[in the morning i am]: dead to the world until I get my daily coffee from qt
[love is]: hard to find, and I don’t care anymore
[i dream about]: haha…u don’t want to know, lol, j/k

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes
[last person u slow danced with]: andy

-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: Chuck
[is the easiest to talk to]: Joel

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: yes

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: Joel
[hugged]: Joel
[you instant messaged]: Andy
[you laughed with]: Joel, Kayla, Katie, Lee and Summer

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer?]: probably not
[what's your favorite food?]: chicken
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: oranges
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional
[trust others way too easily?]: it depends on who they are, but I have been known to be very heart broken at times

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: wow, who knows
[of hearts i have broken?] : I hope I never caused anyone pain
[of boys i have kissed?] : hmm…that be none
[of girls i have kissed?] : none
[of drugs taken illegally?] : none
[of tight friends?] : hmm…4 or 5
[of cd's that i own?] : I can’t even begin to count
[of scars on my body?] : too many lol
[of things in my past that i regret?] :1

-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: what I want
[i want]: to find him
[i have]: the best friends you could ask for
[i wish]: this school year was over and I was a senior already!
[i hate]: slow people
[i miss]: hanging out with my old friends
[i fear]: heights, and tight spaces
[i hear]: my tv
[i search]: for love
[i love]: my friends and family
[i ache]: in my heart
[i care]: about everyone i love
[i always]: laugh at stupid things
[i dance]: with my friends and stupidly in the car
[i cry]: only over the important things
[i do not always]: appreciate the people who deserve it
[i write]: poems
[i confuse]: everyone
[i can usually be found]: somewhere with joel and a ton of other people
[i need]: to get out of this house
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: …
[if so, when and with who]: …
[favorite place to be kissed?]: …
[have you ever been caught "doing something"]: …
[wuss]: not really
[druggie]: no.
[gang member]: heck yes I am lol
[daydreamer]: quite often
[alcoholic]: no
[freak]: meh
[brat]: probably
[sarcastic]: yes
[goody-goody]: eh, no
[angel]: no
[devil]: no
[friend]: yes
[shy]: it depends
[talkative]: yes
[adventurous]: somewhat
[intelligent]: when I try

-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)-

[impacted you the most spiritually]: lauren
[wish you saw more often]: Jessica, kayla
[wish you could meet]: what
[most sarcastic]: joel
[wish you knew better]: katie
[knows you best]: joel/jess/kayla
[best outlook on life]: joel
[most paranoid]: andy
[sweetest]: summer

-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-

[your best feature (personality)]: I listen
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: procrastinating
[most annoying thing you do]: I make sum really weird noises
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: umm…that’s a hard one
[describe your personality in one word]: crazy
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: hair and eyes
[person you regret sleeping with]: i've never slept with anybody
[height]: 5'3
[a smell that makes you smile]: micah’s cologne
[a city you'd like to visit]: new york
[a drink you order most often]: dr pepper
[a delicious dessert]: cheesecake. mmm
[a book you highly recommend]: any harry potter book, lol or any book by Nicolas Sparks, he’s amazing
[the music you prefer while alone]: I am a nerd, chorus songs…lol
[your favorite band]: the killers, bright eyes, the shins
[a film you could watch over and over]: napoleon dynamite, elf
[a TV show you watch regularly]: it used to be friends, desperate housewives
[you live in a(n)]: house
[your transportation]: my silver bug
[your cologne or perfume]: ralph
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: I shove everything under there when I have to clean my room
[something important on your night table]: I guess my glasses or my alarm clock…lol

out tonight with joel, summer and lee! yay
finally
i need this

Absolutely Zero

2005-02-11T11:37:33Z

You. You were a friend. You were a friend of mine I let you spend the night
You see how it was my fault. Of course it was mine.
I'm too hard at work. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd ever in your life.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's my job to make the most of it
Of course I didn't know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.

Hey what's that you say? You're not blaming me for anything that's great
But I don't break that easy. Does it fade away?
So that's why I'm apologizing now for telling you I thought that we could make it
I just don't get enough to believe that we've both changed.

Who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's my time to make the most of it
How could I ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no
All along the fault is up for grabs why don't you have it
Well it's for sale go make your offer, I'll sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero.

Well neither one of us deserves the blame because opportunities moved us away
And it's not an easy thing to learn to play a game that's made for two that's you and me
The rules remain a mystery. See it can be easy.

Who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's our time to make the most of it
How could we ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no
All along the fault is up for grabs and there you have it
Well it's for sale go make your offer, I'll sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero.

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-10T06:45:00

2005-02-10T11:45:24Z

If I could catch a star for everytime you made me smile, I would be holding the sky.
Remember me when I'm gone...

Contest-The Regret She'll Never Have

2005-02-09T03:10:58Z

I entered this poem in a contest that my lit teacher told me I should enter. I was supposed to enter my best, and I think this is quite close to it. I posted this poem a while back, right after i wrote it, but some havent seen it. Let me know what you think.

She wanders down the empty path of this, her so called life. She feels as though she has done nothing despite the pain and strife.
Her parent’s expectations are just too much to bear. And though she has her friends, something’s still missing there.
In her heart she feels alone, she has so much love to give. When will the right person come, so she can share this gift?
She just can’t take the pain of living in despair. No one knows her true pain. No one for her to share.
“What is a life without love?” she thinks, “Why, it’s no life at all.” Alone in her room she drinks and drinks, until she begins to fall.
She falls into the darkness where no one chooses to be. But when the darkness fades away, she knows she will be free.
She soon awakes from her deep slumber to see her family. They stand with flowers, crying, under a majestic tree. She looks down to see her name, engraved on marble stone. Her life just slipped away, she never will go home.
She’ll never know the lessons she could have learned, if not for this. She’ll never know that being with her was his only wish. She’ll never know that he was the one, the one she’d been waiting for. He’ll go home in his despair and dream of her once more.
But she is gone now, from this world, out there and carefree. She knows not what she has left behind, underneath that majestic tree.
She’ll never know the fun she’d have, if she just learned to laugh. And she’ll never know that he is the regret she’ll never have.

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-08T18:21:00

2005-02-08T23:19:58Z

I think I'd miss you even if I never met you.
Remember me when I'm gone...

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-06T14:34:00

2005-02-06T19:35:33Z

I GOT MY PROM DRESS!
********************
now all i need is a date...

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-05T08:31:00

2005-02-05T13:45:52Z

yess...another survey, but this one is kinda cool

stolen from megan, with sum additions by ur truly!

Google Test!
Go to Google Images & type in the the answers for the following questions.
Then post the first picture that appears.

First place you grew up in: Los Angeles…not for very long tho, lol

Where do you live now: Woodstock

What shows up when you search your last name: Opincariu

What shows up when you search your Grandma's name: Gisele

Favorite food: chicken

Favorite drink: dr pepper

Favorite song: pink bullets

no joke, thats the first pic that comes up!

Favorite color: pink

Favorite restaurant: chili's

Favorite smell: sun tan lotion…yea lol

Favorite shoes: my fakenstocks, yes I am one of those and I am lame…lol

yea, i think thats it

if u have ne questions to add let me know!

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-04T07:02:00

2005-02-04T12:03:22Z

A bland smile is like a green light at an intersection- it feels good when you get one, but you forget it the moment you're past it.

onefallshard18 @ 2005-02-02T20:40:00

2005-02-03T01:44:20Z

"I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too." --Sam, the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chobosky

great book...weird, contemplative and moving...everyone should read it

the perks of being a wallflower

2005-02-02T02:08:54Z

standing on the fringes of life...
...and in that moment, I
swear we were
infinite.

You're So Great

2005-02-01T12:22:37Z

You know, it doesn't take much to make my day...
"I love you Bre. You are so great!"
thats all, lol...
THANK YOU SO MUCH MARIANNE! YOU MADE MY WEEK!
all i really want is to make people laugh and be HAPPY! yay!

BAHHHH

2005-02-01T03:44:20Z

fuckkkkkkk 11th grade lit and this damn research shit

I AM SOOOOO OVER IT!!!

I Was the One Worth Leaving

2005-01-30T17:32:27Z

Smeared black ink... your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening to last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering what's buried underneath where I am

I'll wear my badge... a vinyl sticker with big block letters adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends I am a visitor here...
I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is where i am

You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that i am just visiting
And i am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving

D.C. sleeps alone tonight

You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that i am just visiting
And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving
The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening
And i am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving

That's hott right? lol j/k

That Makes Me Smile

2005-01-29T19:27:42Z

i dont know why i feel so stressed out but god i do...and i just need to keep writing...so, enjoy!

As I stare out my window all I can see is lifelessness. The majestic trees stand droopy, with no leaves, and covered in ice. The plants which once had beautiful blossoms look as though they are dead, never to bloom again. What a spell Mother Nature has cast to make such things that represent the very essence of life look so sad, so shattered.

There are no people on the streets. No cars, not even one little child on his bicycle. It is at these times when people get incredibly bored. Nothing to do but stay at home for it is far too cold and dangerous for them to go outside. It is at times like these when I think of you the most.

Can it be that it has been nearly seven years since you’ve been gone? That is quite hard to swallow. It seems like only yesterday you were reading to me, encouraging me to be all that I could be, all that I wanted to be. But I guess it has been that long for I seem to have begun to forget you. I can’t remember the way you smelled. I can barely remember your voice, and the only reason I do is because of old home videos.

I find myself shying away from watching those videos as they make me feel the most amazing happiness but once they are finished, the most amazing grief. It is hard for me to even look at pictures of you from time to time because I know that you won’t be there when I look up from them.

I can’t help but look at girls on the street with their fathers and remembering all the good times we had. But what really, truly gets me is watching girls who are my age and older with their fathers and knowing that I will never have what they have. And it brings a tear to my eye.

I can’t even talk about you to anyone because the wound has just freshly healed and mentioning it just opens it back up again. I feel distant from people because I just can’t share with them the pain, even though I know they would be there for me if I needed them. The one person who feels the same as I do can’t even mention you with out crying and I just can’t do that to her every time I feel alone. She just doesn’t deserve it. So I just keep it to myself and let my pain out through my writing, and it helps.

I don’t know how I would have made it through these years without you helping me along. I know I’ve made some rash decisions of late, but I will straighten out, don’t worry. I know who I am and who I want to be. I know that I will always revert back to some shadow of myself. And when I look in the mirror I swear I can see the subtlest shadow of you in me. And that makes me smile.

//It's You\\

2005-01-29T14:21:43Z

||It’s You||

It’s you.

Only you.

The one that makes me toss and turn.

The one that makes my heart so yearn

For the closeness.

It’s you.

Only you.

The one who makes my heart just melt.

And I have never felt

This way before.

It’s you.

Only you.

And yet you have no idea I feel this way.

And though you pass me everyday

It’s as if you don’t see me.

It’s you.

Only you.

But of course you see me, you say hi.

But you don’t know why

I just turn away.

And when I turn back to say what I am thinking,

You are gone.

My chance just slipped away.

It’s you.

Only you that can make me feel this way.

Will you ever see it?

Too bad it's the weekend :(